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The Ballad of Kelli Rae

by Tim Birchard

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1.
Two brothers married two sisters Right after the end of the war Two brothers married two sisters How many in love? just 3 of the 4 One of the sisters took a look at her mister And started praying to heaven above "Oh Heavenly Father, if it ain't too much bother Please set me free, cuz I ain't in love" I've got my whole life ahead of me I aim to make it count Sweet Baby Jesus, don't you make me do this But the sky looked on without a sound Six children later, she couldn't make him hate her But she finally won, and his heart was broke He took a lover, then he ran for cover But the fire was lit, and it was making smoke I've got my whole life ahead of me I aim to make it count Sweet Baby Jesus, don't you make me do this But the sky looked on without a sound Out with his brother, drinking his whiskey Shooting out the street lights, and coming home late Too drunk to feel the cold shotgun steel That's the night my grandpa met his fate Out here in the valley it's nice and peaceful With flowers blooming and birds that sing I set my whiskey on grandma's headstone Thats just the way the cold rope swings Two brothers married two sisters Right after the end of the war Two brothers married two sisters How many in love? just 3 of the 4 I've got my whole life ahead of me I aim to make it count Sweet Baby Jesus, don't you make me do this But the sky looked on without a sound
2.
I wanna tell you a story From here in the grave My old bald head Is all that they could save I used to have me a record store You know it wasn’t half bad With a vinyl section The only one our little town had I was scraping bottom Grinding the days away Then it all came crashing down A girl named Kelli walked in one day And in walked Kelli Rae… Well I lost my head over this record I lost my heart over this song I lost my way looking for a woman to save me And now I’m here where I don’t belong I said Hey Kelli Jo! I said Hey Kelli Rae! Well I still don’t know Why you put me in my grave
3.
Well she told me her name was Kelli Jo And there wasn't a single song she didn't know She loved her vinyl, she loved her 80's glam I was delighted to find there was no ring on her hand Lovely Kelli Jo Lovely Kelli Where did you come from? When she came walking right into my record store My feet would tingle, my heard would soar One day I gave her a T-Rex Limited Edition Was I in love? Or just ignoring my intuition Lovely Kelli Jo Lovely Kelli Where did you come from? Dinner at her place, come around about five How could I know that by 5:30 I would no longer be alive? I stopped the album As she was pouring the wine That was a problem I should have noticed the signs "What have you done?!" She said to me by the door She held a record to my throat My head rolled across the floor Deadly Kelli Jo Deadly Kelli Where did you come from? Well, I'm sorry, Kelli Jo What can I say? She said, "Kelli Jo ain't here, My name is Kelli Rae!" Lovely Kelli Jo Deadly Kelli Rae
4.
The doctors say It was Kelli Rae Who took your head that day It was not me And I confess I was not at my best When I laid you to rest And set you free Kelli's on the lam Kelli's on the run She joined a cloister Of murdering nuns I got a postcard The other day Said, "Love and kisses, Signed Kelli Rae" "If someone asks Just say I'm dead I'm drinking my gin And cutting heads" Kelli's on the lam Kelli's on the run She joined a cloister Of murdering nuns "I hate to leave you But I had to go The cops are looking Both high and low But just for you Here's a secret code: M-E-J-I-C-O Me Hee Coh!" Kelli's on the lam Kelli's on the run She joined a cloister Of murdering nuns
5.
Quiet, please, ladies Gather round Won't you welcome Sister Kelli Rae And show her around She's really rather lovely Quick to learn She's here to lend a hand And she's got money to burn Well there's a new girl in town Yes there's a new girl in town Infiltrate the convent Make it our own Grab the special cargo Bring it on home Take a plane to nowhere Disappear Happy ever after Free and clear Well there's a new girl in town Yes there's a new girl in town
6.
My connection Sent me down this way I know the password I know where not to play A secret door opens And as I saunter in The Devil looks up at me And judging by his grin, I'm in the right place We're getting sky high for Jesus We're getting sky high for the Lord We're getting sky high for Jesus Cuz I'm sky high, right out of my gourd Something about a seaplane And a special kind of fun Some quick, easy millions And dressing up like nuns Infiltrate the convent Take it for our own Lift that special cargo And take it right back home Take a big, deep breath Make that special sound We'll be sisters to the death As we pass the bowl around We're lighting up the engines And not a ship in sight We're lighting up to execute And pray we get it right We're getting sky high for Jesus We're getting sky high for the Lord We're getting sky high for Jesus Cuz I'm sky high, right out of my gourd We set our hair own fire We're lighting up the night Take up the slack; no turning back No purple hearts tonight Out-of-fashion ammo belt Is this the way that grandma felt? Did she mistake the dream for real While hefting that cold shotgun steel? We're getting sky high for Jesus We're getting sky high for the Lord We're getting sky high for Jesus Cuz I'm sky high, right out of my gourd I lost my head over this record I lost my heart for this song I lost my way looking for adventure And now I'm here where I don't belong
7.
She said, "You were a nun For 55 years You should know by now I'm all out of tears You told me that you would pray for me That's what you said How could you let me down like this? I'm still in this bed I don't know what you mean Been praying' night and day And since i'm sittin' here talking with you I'd say it's working okay That's the problem You prayed the wrong way That's the problem
8.
Kelli Jo went to heaven Kelli Rae went to hell Birth certificate simply said two words: Kelli Michelle You know she pulled the ripcord But her 'chute did not deploy "Every single time this happens, It really tends to annoy" She reached into her pocket Pulled out the habit of a nun "If I'm going out without a doubt I might as well have some fun" Some say that she was crazy Others argue she was sane I know that she was laughing As she jumped out of that plane She hated to leave her whiskey All her guns and cocaine Now all that's left of her cloister Is her memory going down in flames Kelly Jo went to heaven Kelli Rae went to hell My only regret is that I never met Kelli Michelle Kelli Jo went to heaven Kelli Rae went to hell Birth certificate simply said two words
9.

about

Dedicated to the memory of Beverly Birchard.

credits

released June 1, 2018

Words and music copyright 2018 Tim Birchard (BMI).

Special Thanks...
Charlie K.
Kelli and Nate B.
Jenny M.
Aikido gang
MKP brothers
Chris B.
gschindler
Scott K.
Jason G.
Justin R.
Chuck H.
and always Cheryl

Special tip of the hat to Kelli B., Nato-san and Jenny M. for pouring gasoline on the fire.

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